Caravan of idiots

~

2012-02-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

Remember me? I'm still alive.

2011-07-31T09:40:00.001-07:00

life's shitty. my blog's useless.

everyone's a fake. people and their act. it's getting old, no?

2011-07-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

#grandma's birthday & bestfriend's bbq party.

I've gotta start keeping this blog alive. Well firstly, I doubt anyone reads my blog lol so.. whatever. Shall just blog for memories. Well my week has been pretty.... awesome I guess? Except that school has been the same, as boring as ever. Today was fun though! Celebrated Charmaine's & Ashvini's 16th and 15th advanced birthday and I can't wait for the photos!! Thinking about it makes me feel excited hehehe. Had a bbq celebration and the best part was... we were only serious about bbq-ing when it was time to pack-up. We were like busy snapping everywhere and there's like 700+ reaching 800 photos at Steph's camera! I brought my camera down for nothing though #wasted Should have brought down my guitar... nawwww. Well anyway... the weather was so shitty that I had cups after cups of ice lemon tea.. and bottles after bottles of milk tea. Ughhhhh. So tomorrow shall be a stay-home sunday and afterwards? School.... + spotcheck. Wish me goodluck with my skirt. All of them are short and I'm always caught for that. Maybe with my hair too since my red hair extensions's still not taken out. Hehehe k hope i'll survive with the upcoming boring + dead week.

2011-06-28T08:29:00.001-07:00

happy 20th birthday bro. love you.

2011-06-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

Sooo, it's currently 5:47am in the morning and school's starting at 08:25? I've gotta bathe at 06:30, get ready to meet Jo under my block and then meet the rest (maybe) at J8 Mac. God....... I'm 101% sure, I'm gonna sleep + rot since Bestfriend isn't coming............ WHY IS MY LIFE SUCHA BORE AT SCHOOL. Oh no wait, I've never had interest in it anyway. Why? IT'S JUST TOO BORING. Like seriously!! Well October.. I know you'll come soon. And oh........ Can't believe I dota-ed with bjy from midnight till 5....... fucking imba #lykaboss. Hmmm so what should I do for an hour before heading to the showers? Lol, thinking about school is like a total mood killer...... Why am i dotting so much...... K wtf. This post is filled with absolute rubbish..... and I should stop typing. Hafahafa bye.

2011-06-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

only group photo and i look like shit. well there's more in my cam. and the only day i've stayed at home was yesterday. i've been going out everyday! omgzzzzzz. school's starting. get ready to face stress people.

2011-06-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

There are more pictures left in my camera. And I've been going out everyday so I don't really have the time to blog. Oh, some pictures are uploaded at Facebook too. Catch 'em out!

2011-06-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

i wish to drown all my sorrows away again.

2011-06-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

Vic Fuentes voice always keeps me happy.

2011-06-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

will be contented with my life.

2011-06-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

i've gotta thank you. on this date, exactly 2 years back, i wouldn't have learnt so much. if it wasn't for you.. i would have still been that.. same lame, childish and whatsoever, girl. and all those mentally pain i'm going thru, i'm used to it. 2 years flew just like that. it's amazing to know how fast it went. i was reading my private blog the other day... ''all i ever wanted was people to stay. not leave.'' guess i really do push people away. but i've experienced how it felt like to be pushed away causing me to be in this state. and i just hate it.. when you set so much high expectations but nothing happens. epic yet saddest thing that happened today? when my friends left for their bus leaving me by myself.. i couldn't hang on. sudden breakdown for the first time. yes, at a bus stop.

i'm filled with regrets. but there's nothing i can do to change it anymore because at that point of time, that was what i wanted.. so i'm gonna let my past live with me throughout. no moving on/letting go. everything will stay. thank you for everything though. you said you'll never forget a good friend.. guess you just did.

6 june 2009, never knew my life would start off complicated by then.

2011-06-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

PSALM 38 (37) Prayer in time of trouble. When illness or misfortune comes, we begin to reflect, we then discover that the greatest misfortune is to be a sinner.

2011-06-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

just plain shitty. knowing that i'll never move on from the past just kills. noone gets me at all. everyone's just pretending. noone's for real. it's always like this. and during every holidays, my insecurities eats me up. my head just goes, ''good job, you're so darn stupid.'' and it goes on replay every single day. naming myself useless, weak, hopeless. i always wonder, why do i even bother? you're right. i'm so heartless, i don't care. i didn't take your words seriously till you left. or maybe it was me? yes, me. i left. positively thinking that i'll lead a happy life, i was wrong. you proved me wrong as the days went by. and from everyone, you're the only one who have watched me grown up. i know you're reading this, always watching my back. well i hope you're reading this. it's always been so hard to talk to you. maybe a little hint, ''i've got my ways.'' do you remember? dec 2009, i asked you how'd you figured it out. but guess it's all forgotten. i've always wondered if i'll ever see you and hoping you'll tap on my shoulder going, ''rhyna!'' but y'know what? they are all thoughts. they're useless. i can't seem to grab a grip of my life and hold on. i haven't changed one bit huh. from jan, expressing out how i really feel and till now. still that deadly weak girl with that fake smile. i don't even know what i want in my life. i have no goals. i'm just living a hectic life, a hectic shitty plain useless depressing life.

and all the pain i've gone through. i've still kept it deep within me. noone really knows my past. noone. it has been so hard to stay happy. it's' so hard knowing what i want to accomplish in the future. everything's so tough for me right now. last year wasn't as shitty as this year. i've met such awesome people but everything's changed. well 2009 was the best though i went through alot. not even words can describe how amazing it was. and till then, i'm just afraid. afraid of doing what i really want to do. i'm afraid of trusting people. i'm afraid to let it all out. i'm afraid of what people really think of me. i am so afraid. i can never be myself. i can never feel what i really want to feel. i look like some wicked witch right now. with smudged mascara, eyeliner all ruined, puffy eyes, apple nose. and tears running down my cheeks. i don't need anyone to tell me that my life's gonna be alright. people think it eventually will. do you even really know who i am?

2011-06-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

hi you. thank you so much for helping me out in the past. like i've said a million times, ''thank yous were really never easy for me to say'' and i've told you back then that i owe you one. but you said it didn't matter, only my happiness. you're that one person who made me believe. i'll never forget what i was like before, hopeless, weak and maybe i still am? haha. slightly improvement ay? :-) today may not be the best 15th ever but hope you've at least enjoyed it. whatever obstacles that you're facing now, you'll be fine in the end like what we've talked about just now. i'm never good at comforting people but do remember i've always got your back no matter what shit happens. Happy Birthday Azrin Zufika Bte Abdul Azip. I love you bestie. ♥

2011-05-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

#pictures spam hehehe.

2011-05-25T04:31:00.000-07:00

"The Balcony Scene" by Pierce the Veil is about him loving a girl & wanting to be with her so bad, & although she loves him & wants to be with him too, she's afraid to take that next step with him because she has been scarred by past relationships that went wrong. Thats what he means by ghost. As in ghost of the past.

@http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxPvTOMIRlw&feature=related

I'm loving Pierce the Veil day by day.

2011-05-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

So..... I skipped school today and I feel good! Hahaha. I'm giving it a miss again tomorrow and friday. Am I just awesome or what! Anyway I've got an A1 for POA. Hehehe happygurl_1996. Oh and not trynna brag but...... I've passed Maths too! And got the highest for bio. Hehehe. Combined humanities.. failed by 1 mark. Mothertongue? 4! OMG UNBELIEVABLE SHIT. Hahahaha. First time 46/100. Real improvement! Told 'ya, i'mma happygurl_1996. Oh... but parents meeting on Thursday. Hmm hope Mr Ho will be nice and not tell my mum that I've been sleeping during his maths class....

2011-05-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

still the same old girl, full of hatred.

2011-05-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

I kinda predicted this. It's 4:11 in the morning. Knew I won't be able to sleep and I've got to wake up at 6. Great. My school has organised some sports education (bowling) which I'm literally not interested in. Last year they organised it too but I didn't bother to go. So while everyone's enthusiastic about bowling later, I'll be stiff dead. Planned not to go to school but I have to see my biology marks. How depressing.

I love you Chris Brown.

2011-05-21T11:41:00.000-07:00

Bangs failed. We've grown up so fast.

Friday was wicked. Saturday was rockin'. It's been ages since I've taken a photo with this pig up there. Great, Jesus day *wink. Time passes by real fast, agree?

2011-05-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

I'm used to it, everything; people's attitude, criticism, crying, being yelled at, backstabbing, hiding secrets, skipping meals and especially people's actions. I can go on but nah. What's the point? Will it make a difference? Bet not. I've had enough. I'm gonna take her words for it, ''Start making your own ground, you deserve better.''

2011-05-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

2010

Today, me and my bestfriend pierced our lips on the right. We took it out after a few hours. I ain't afraid to say this because my point? We go through every single pain with each other. We feel each other and I love her for the simplest things. She's just the perfect best friend anyone could ever search for.

2011-05-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

http://dittyittybitty.tumblr.com/

Finally i've managed to change and add a few details at my Tumblr. Before, it was plain black and simple without a flag counter. Do follow!

2011-05-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight, It's just me facing the wall with tears.

2011-05-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

MAN JUST LOOK AT THOSE EYEBAGS! Thank god exams are over. I don't have to sleep at 1am continuously anymore. But school or not, I'm still waking up early... Anyway, productive day yesterday with babes at town/Randy's till past midnight. Gonna miss Silver needles badly. So we're helping him clean up the place today. It's really depressing to see it close down.

2011-05-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Hi guys! Please be nice and formspring me. I'm really bored. I've done my revision for Chemistry - 3 topics done, am left with 2 + POA. And did i forget to mention it took me 3hours? Yeah... I really hope I'll pass. I wanna get a A1 for POA. Gonna study all day tomorrow with bestfriend! Well anyway, do Formspring me yeah? Hehe.

2011-05-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

Remaining subjects left to go,

Mathematics Paper 2

History

Chemistry

Biology

POA Paper 1 & 2

I'm gonna study real hard this weekend.

2011-05-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1711572108973

nothing much really. we enjoy making covers alot & we don't mind doing a request though. infact, we'll be glad to. haha! yeah yeah, we don't sound like those youtube singers you usually see. well hey, it's the thought that counts. & fyi, this is just the beginning. who knows in the future, we'll be successful. well you'll never know.

i have big dreams.

2011-05-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

So y-o-y would I just let my life be a waste
A bag of bones, a waste of space
And how oh how did you think to wait til now if you want to fix this place

- plug in stereo.

2011-05-01T05:45:00.000-07:00

it has been 5 months of being single and yet i'm afraid to fall in love again. but what if i'm starting to fall for someone when i'm trying my hardest not to?

2011-04-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

MYE starts officially today.

all the best people!

2011-04-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

sadly plans were cancelled. and my flu got quite worse. everyone at home went out and i've managed to enjoy peace for once. so today was really productive! i spent the whole day making brownies with toppings, oreo crumbs! hehe. it took me about 2hours to get it done with which includes making scrambled eggs. (hungry pig, thats why) oh and mind the missing piece. i ate it off. it tasted too good. shall try cookies next!

2011-04-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

didn't manage to sleep well on wednesday. i was ''busy'' catching up with csimiami episodes. hehe. and when i got to school.. all i could think about was sleep. managed to sleep a'lil in chem class. but woke up with flu. then had bio test which i had only 10min of revision. anyway, today's good friday! so i'm gonna stop by church and meet jyeah after that. flu ain't stopping me. (:

2011-04-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

finally 2.4km run's over! and after so many weeks of delaying/complaining, i'm through with it! hehe. and surprisingly, i didn't expect to get an A. happy girl much? sadly standing broad jump made me get a silver......... and yeah i'm like fuck you to whoever who made standing broad jumppart of the physical exercise. ok i'm sounding like a retard talking about this. well anyway! i finally learnt abit about history. maybe.. sitting beside Samuel wasn't a bad thing after that.

2011-04-18T02:00:00.001-07:00

mr chua: 11days to midyears people. 11days.

~

2011-04-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

chords; am, c, g, am & capo on the 5th.

i'll leave the door on the latch if you ever come back.

2011-04-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

my life hasn't changed since the beginning of the year and i'm still wondering whether its a good thing or bad. firstly the same school cycle repeats. at least there'll be one lesson that i'll be sleeping. or no, make it all. how to pass like that? oh yeah. not to mention that my class's extremely boring. sigh.. then after school? the same old slacking place. why is my life sucha bore?

seeing is deceiving. dreaming is believing.

2011-04-12T04:36:00.000-07:00

back to blogging! betcha miss me. *winks.

xx.

2011-03-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

will leave my blog dead for quite some time. gotta focus on studies. especially maths. thank god i can focus with Fion guiding me. well with Joanna sitting beside me, i'm lost. basically we don't understand a single shit. that doesn't mean i don't appreciate Joanna sitting beside me. i'm actually happy sitting beside her till our form teacher rearranged our sitting plan. we usually have h2h talks but we don't focus... well anyway..

i promise, although i've said promises were bullshits and all.. but well this time i mean it. i promise to become a better person. firstly, i speak fluent foul language. i remember i told bjy i won't say vulgars anymore. but in the end, i did. i'll slowly change. i'll be a better person by the end of this year. i can't stand the natural disasters. it's horrible. everyone's gonna experience death soon and i wanna be sent to heaven.. not hell. i'll take out all my piercings soon. tongue, tragus, earlopes, helix. my eyebrow piercing's gone. i'll slowly take out my tongue stud out soon.. sigh.

believe in god, pray to him and think positive. shall do that for a head start. i've got no plans for the weekends. and i've planned to go to the church.. i want god to forgive my sins. i know i can do it. i thank god for protecting me all this while from the disasters. amen.

turn the clock.

2011-03-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

school, you suck. can i stay at home forever? sigh..

old picture? haha.

2011-03-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

i've planned to update blog.. but when i thought of it.. it reminded me of my history blog i've left yet to complete. omfg, fml! i still gotta remove my nail polish too. :( hate school man!

school?

2011-03-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

today's a saturday.. o'lord, kill me. homeworks yet to be completed.. sigh.

comeback.

2011-03-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

it's been kinda a habit for me to only update once a week.. well will try to update often but no more promises. speaking of promises, never ever believe in 'em. they're plain bullshits. trust me, i've been there many times and i bet you wouldn't wanna know how it feels.

anyway, school holidays has been great so far. i've to srsly cut down on my shopping man. but i'm really dying for ripped pants.. :( can someone just slap my fingers whenever i'm about to get clothes, footwear or accessories? god.. and Azrin said i'm so fickle-minded. :P

spent my sunday with that whore up there. i had tons of fun, like last time. hehe. we caught up with a movie called red riding hood and it wasn't so bad. very thrilling though. no regrets! then we bumped into my mum and sisters. my expression was priceless (clique should know how it goes, lol!) slacked at scape, did our usual stuffs. awesome sunday, loved it esp with that whore. xx.

today went out with jyeah. i missed her, really. just can't believe rayvin. (well doubt he reads this anyway) well you're really unreasonable. like srsly?! what's up with people these days. they're just wasting their breath. if you wanna get over with something just get it done with. what are you fucking waiting for? o'what the heck. getting back to jyeah, we did our usual stuffs.. i mean who doesn't do the usual stuffs with someone they've known for so long right? overall, i enjoyed today too. am starting to love isolation. like really. it gives me time to think about everything..

it's getting late.. i guess? well it's 2:34am. will be heading to the church tomorrow after months. and i've been planning to take out all my piercings soon to respect god too. i just wanna be a better person. anyway we should all pray for japan. the world is getting sick and so am i. i'm kinda afraid to go out cos' of some radiation shit.. well nah. i know i'll be safe. god's watching over me. amen.

~

2011-03-06T04:26:00.000-08:00

''I was young when I died. I didn't have a chance to make my mark in the world. I didn't do anything unique, nothing that will change the course of history. But I wasn't a bad girl, I don't want to be forgotten.

I want people to remember me.''

damn im hooked.

monday blues

2011-02-27T04:01:00.000-08:00

it's been quite a while since i last shopped.. hmm.

i've been craving for ripped pants. hehe. who's with me? and oh! accessories too. i shall save up for the weekend. :) btw thanks edna for the letting me borrow your book. i'm almost done! left around 200 pages or... more? haha. the storybook has like 700 reaching 800 over pages and it's kinda like my first time finishing it within a week. anyway, great book. loveeeeeeee the storyline. gosh i sound like a nerd for a moment.. but hey reading isn't so bad. ok well.. guess i'm gonna sound real geeky right now but.. am off to study poa. i've got a common test tomorrow and no way am i gonna fail it!

holding back yr tears every night..

2011-02-22T06:06:00.001-08:00

god.. what am i waiting for. you don't care anymore...

really kills.

2011-02-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

everything kills.

(Y)

2011-02-20T00:07:00.000-08:00

so much for beauty sleep. school carnival was so worth it!

happy 15th!

2011-02-17T06:23:00.001-08:00

old picture but anyway! happy 15th birthday bitch. i know things might not be going as the way you expected but it's your big day. don't let anyone ruin it. :') i just can't believe the fact that my saturday morning will be spent at school. urgh so much for beauty sleep. lol. gotta attend some charity carnival. well whole school has to. hope mine's not at the parade sq. or i'll die of warmth.

i've got to stop expressing my feelings out here.. gotta make use of something called private blog. i'll try to blog if i've got the time. but still will be definitely active on fb.

goodness.. wonder w'sup with some girls.

314

2011-02-14T07:01:00.000-08:00

spent my Valentine's with the clique. didn't feel me today. strange.. haha. managed to smile and finally laugh for real. guess everyone got hyped up when the bashing started. we celebrated gareth's birthday at the bbt. joshua started the bashing, and a video was recorded down... well.. unglam.. still fun. hehe.

you died. he died. i died.. goodbye.

in all this mess.

2011-02-13T06:55:00.000-08:00

i felt.. really weird today. this isn't like some ranting post or something. but really..

early in the afternoon. i was laying down on my bed, waiting for a reply. something hit me. a vision? well maybe.. the most weirdest thing about it was.. i cried. it felt so real. really. can't be deja vu right? since it only happens when you're asleep i guess. something's wrong with me..

feat rayvin.

2011-02-12T06:54:00.000-08:00

awesome saturday! ♥

:)

2011-02-10T06:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Dad! :')

thank you for all the amazing stuffs you've did. you might get a lil' annoying at times but i know it's for my own good. love youuuuuuu.

time to decide.

2011-02-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

no matter what happens. you'll always be a part of me. '09.

1yr 8m.

2011-02-06T03:15:00.000-08:00

swore i took this picture to check my brows. hahaha. and fyi, it looks way thicker in reality.

anyway. it has been some time since i've updated huh? well.. life has just been... alright.. yeah alright..

so, spent my first day of cny holiday at jojo's house. it was his birthday! hahaha. he just turned 7. still young but yet naughty. had long talks with jyeah. played her itouch for hours till my aunty kept starring at me.. well idgaf. hehe. then we played those toy guns. feels good to feel young again, (y)

2nd day of cny? last minute thing with jyeah. i can't stand rotting at home. so met her at town. i'm falling in love with sparkling water. trust me, it's addictive! ate at starbucks, watched her shop while i played her itouch. hehe. i love the bond with her. and at night was fun too though! :-)

yesterday went to town, again. it was a kinda last min outing. me and bjy were walking around town. we were walking in circles! but it was fun. really fun. we should really do this more often. (y) we had tons of epic moments. trust me. you don't go usually seeing a china woman talking so loud in the toilet about she cursing her boyfriend mum and her abortion? ... really... drama. hahaha. first time she went home late with me. like around.. 1130? hehe. thanks bitch. love youuuu.

today? it meant alot to me.. really.. alot.. i'm really sorry. do you still remember? ..

anyway, the links rayvin, edna and jyeah posted at fb. the one which sel'gomez was rapping. the super bass by nicki minaj is really super addictive. hahaha. ''boom baroom boom boom baroom boom bay, he got that super bass.'' go check it out!

2010. :(

2011-02-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

fuckin' hell i miss sec2 life.

:)

2011-01-29T19:31:00.001-08:00

persuit of happyness.

2011-01-28T08:11:00.000-08:00

proper post for once? well here it goes.

caught imagine that on hbo last saturday. lol you'll be wondering why i'm even typing that. well somehow. highlight the somehow, it reminded me of the movie, pursuit of happyness. i know the movie has like no link to imagine that. but srsly. somehow the movie just popped into my head. i have already caught the movie for a few times but suddenly i've got the urge to catch it again. weird huh? so anyway, t.g.i.f and i spent my night watching it. (stupid lame post, i have no idea what else to type. well sorry, school ain't my thing. hate school.)

You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something? Go get it. Period. - Will Smith

great movie. both thumbs up for it!

2009

2011-01-26T07:59:00.001-08:00

life.

urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2011-01-25T03:11:00.001-08:00

yknow what? im sick and tired of trying. this will be my last. hear me.

i tried my best being like before today. but i guess, some people just don't really care about their actions and plus. they don't realize a single shit.

think twice before you're about to do so. urgh, damn you. not once, not twice, not thrice. need a reality check?

you made my day bitch. you made my day. ignorance shall be the new special thing about me now.

tv pays off.

2011-01-24T03:10:00.000-08:00

2011-01-23T03:21:00.000-08:00

wish to be a hikikomori.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

haha.

2011-01-22T04:49:00.000-08:00

1. have to see a doctor for 2 shit reasons.

2. everyday's gonna be like a saturday. cool.

3. fringe, please grow. i wanna be fringe-less by the end of this year.

4. friends come and go. *

-

2011-01-21T04:38:00.000-08:00

sucha worthless human being with nothing but hatred.

hate this world.

six, goodbye..

2011-01-18T05:41:00.000-08:00

everyday. the same shit happens,

breathing into the cold air, holding the tears back.

and it repeats.

i'm not taking a break. i'm gone for good.

same shit.

2011-01-15T04:10:00.000-08:00

happy 15th birthday bitch. we love you tons. <3

xoxo

2011-01-13T05:19:00.001-08:00

this blog is like turning into some depression site. rather i demolish it huh. pb? naah. i just want the memories to stay. but you're gone. then so will i.

save you - kelly clarkson.

you said ∞ while i said 10.

2011-01-12T01:31:00.000-08:00

why should i even seek for advices when i can't even take them wisely? the guilt's killing me. it's eating me up. not once, not twice, but thrice. i'm taking deep breaths. waiting patiently. but as the day goes by, hopes deprived. i don't need time anymore. i understand. i understand how it all goes now. life's a challenge huh? it's like whether you wanna pick yourself up or leave yourself hanging there. i pick, leaving myself there. i can't take it anymore. 2 years to be exact and it isn't good enough for you to understand? i might have forgotten all of 'em but at least i tried my best to get it all back. just that noone sees it. when i'm even laughing, deep down i'm actually struggling. does anyone even realizes that? i doubt so.

people say stuffs they don't mean. i'm a human with eyes and brains. i'm not that dumb to fool. it's true that noone can help. cos' in the end? you're gonna face it alone. my thoughts were wrong. miracles happen. it takes time. but to me. it's like waiting forever or best, nothing. i'm stuck. i can't move on. i always fail. i think positive but still fail. why?

enchanted by taylor swift. the lyrics are incredible.

not everybody gets a second chance.

2011-01-11T06:39:00.000-08:00

look where i'm standing now. since last year, i've been telling myself to move on and start afresh. i'm not myself. ive changed. i'm like a totally different person. and i hate that. i hate speaking out. i hate expressing my feelings from the heart. now? i'm actually speaking out. i can't even control myself. i've trusted someone. and they think it's a joke. well and this happens and that happens. she/he mia, then comes back like as if nothing happened. i changed cos' of that. but i started to trust my friends, opened up those feelings hidden deep down. and then again? same mistake. i've tried moving on. i've tried forgetting. but it's like.. you've been burned everywhere. scars remain. just like the memories. you can't do anything to erase them. it's in you. you may have seen some people ''moving on/letting go.'' but deep down. they never really did. it's still there.

i wrote that cos' after so long, i at least wanted one, two or three or best, four of it with you. i didn't know it would happen. it was like. an exact 365 days ever since. i believed that it would turn out fine. the first totally changed me. ''you made me who i am, from the words you've said.'' but the last. 31 dec 2010, wasn't even that great.. just that i could see you were trying to pushing me away. you're so different. why? i don't get it either..

i kept telling myself nothing's gonna bring me down this year. guess i was wrong..

hotdogs!

2011-01-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

weekend, (y) will blog soon. and photos up @ fb. school's tomorrow. goddd, fmlzzzz.

fucking shit.

2011-01-04T03:49:00.000-08:00

fuckin' hate school. and i've gotta bear this for another 2 fuckin' years? fuck my bloody life.

2011.

2011-01-03T07:30:00.000-08:00

yesterday went out to town with edna and eagle. but before that we slacked at randy's with jo, charmaine, chew min, steph, joshua, gareth, randy, jay and the uncle thomas. really had a blast. it's like our 2nd home. hehehe.

anyway, school's tomorrow. damnn. in a few more minutes it already 12am. i doubt i'll be able to sleep soon. urghhhhhh. everyone's sooo gonna be dead tomorrow. hmm. and i did my maths homework halfway. well it's a very last min thing.. so yeah. time passes fast huh? i still can't believe it. sigh. 3n2....

forget 'bout that. my sister's awake and making me smile right now. she's p1 tomorrow! hehehe. with melissa of cos'. i loveeee this pig and the other pig too. she cant eat her food in peace and she even asked me - can you stop taking photos.. i wanna eat. :( hehehe. well, she's sitting beside me, watching me type till i finish so she can play her spongebob game. hahaha. alrighty then. will blog soon, xoxo!

broken arrow.

2011-01-01T07:38:00.000-08:00

the last few hours before 2011. happy new year everyone!

i totally had a blast! thank ya'll guys for making an effort to come. xx. i'll blog another time. well... i'm.. uh lazy? hehe. and i even went to town with jyeah today. it was really a very last minute plan kinda thing.

school's starting in 3days. i'm soooo gonna be dead. my homeworks are like.. gone case. confirm kenna detention. and the clique didn't do too. hehe. awesomeeeee!

because of you.

2010-12-31T11:30:00.000-08:00

new years eve today! and happy 6th birthday to my twin sisters. i may be sucha mean, cold heartened sister to you 2. but deep down i really love you guys so much. xx.

anyway. my new year's resolution's made up.

i'm gonna let go of everything. like finally. 2009/2010 was the best experience but yet painful years. don't really wish to state down the reasons why. but.. yeah. i've met alot of people along the way. and each taught me a valuable lesson. honestly, i'm thankful for going thru all of this pain. oh! and another resolution's to be nice to my sisters. hehe. it's really tough for me though you might think it's easy. i'll keep trying no matter what.

yes. i'm single. i've made the choice. thank you for everything. i didn't wrote 7 long fuckin' msges for nothing. hmm. oh. guess i've got another resolution too! be single but crushing on someone. :p lol i'm serious. hahah. all the single ladies, put your hands up! alrighty. gonna meet eagle soon. bet there's gonna be tons of pictures. hehe. spend the last few hours of 2010 peoplezzz!

unholy confessions.

2010-12-29T10:40:00.000-08:00

went bugis with charmaine today. walked around till we met yongfeng, edna and zhihan around 7 in the evening. they made me laugh. hahah. thanks alot guys. edna was like, ''let's sit down and settle her problem'' i swore that touched my heart. hahaha. not being dramatic but yeah. and yongfeng wrote one long msg, charmaine gave me advises, edna and zhihan never failed to make me smile. i owe you guys a big thank you!

oh! and others from cyber, here's a hugeeee thank youuu too! <3 xx.

ah yes, hi.

2010-12-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

went to get school books today.. then i'm lazy to blog since bob asked me to blog. and yeah...... i'm sleepy. and i hate school. cant believe it's starting in 6days. what.the.fuck? anyway, this is bob. and she owes me cake. this time, dont ask the birds or ill shit you. those who don't get it. you don't have to. i'm sleepy. i'm typing rubbish. haha howdy doo?

you made me who i am.

2010-12-27T20:54:00.000-08:00

♥♥♥

real? fake?

2010-12-26T07:31:00.000-08:00

Christmas was great. & i'm looking forward for new year. hope 2011 will be a easier year to cope with. i have so many resolutions. and the first is...

Merry X'mas, 2010.

2010-12-25T23:49:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. Since i'm celebrating Christmas and won't have that much time to blog. I guess a song would do at least? :-)

Merry Christmas everyone! xoxo

eve.

2010-12-24T00:07:00.000-08:00

got myself up really early today. went to town to get gifts.. but let's say.. mostly i shopped for myself.. lol. and i spent 70 when my budget was 50$. if my dad knows i used the money for my school books.. i am sooooo dead. i blame myself for having such itchy fingers. because... there was this incident and... it's really embarrassing. haha. well somehow.

anyway. i'm gonna leave to my childhood friend's birthday party at a hotel. yay? seems like my mood really brought me down again. nah. i'm not gonna fake a smile tomorrow. just gonna be the god-your-so-boring type of a person at the party.

i hate. everyone.

such a disgrace..

2010-12-23T08:10:00.000-08:00

so my charger gave me problems yesterday.. i got really tensed about it though. but now i get why. well it was my dad's friend who gave the phone to my dad. so guess the phone was in a good condition.. except the charger? maybe that explains it all. i feel really empty without a phone.. because i'll usually place my phone beside me whenever i'm using the laptop. and while i'm waiting for something to load, i'll definitely check my phone and now? there's nothing to check. well it's okay. i shall live without a phone. and somehow for some reasons.. i don't mind.

so i went out with my parents yesterday. felt bummed about everything. but all i can do is sigh.. hmm. well i'm still not gonna bring myself down on christmas. though it brought back so many memories. i shall just smile and be glad that it happened. today i'm gonna get some stuffs for christmas.... oh! and while i was out yesterday. a lava lamp caught my eyessss. i'm so gonna get them before new years eve. i will... and must! hehe they're really pretty.

anyway, merry christmas eve everyone! i can't wait to eat some turkey tomorrow! hehehe. i'm so glad my family celeberates christmas. xoxo.

an empty shell.

2010-12-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

i've been learning the guitar during these past few days. it releases my stress though.. well, i'm serious! and it still kills me inside that i'm getting most probably nothing for christmas. then why celebrate right? guess it's fine with me. don't really give a fuck about anything lately. well why should i? hmm. so about christmas, i've finally found a christmas hat to blend in with the christmas spirit! hahaha. it's kinda rusty though.. lol. anyway! i'm loving he is we and plug in stereo songs. not to forget, cady groves & christofer drew ingle. but he is we songs are really calm. and from other artists/bands, their music actually really motivates me alot.. and well my alot's like beyond alot. haha. like my blogsong, it's from he is we and it may sound boring and whatever insulting your gonna put it as. but to be honest, i can live with he is we songs.. maybe forever? oh, including plug in stero, cady groves & christofer drew ingle of cos! hahaha. speaking of my blogsong, i can play it through the guitar too! not trynna brag. but when i learnt playing that song. it made me wanna learn to play other songs too. just wished i'm getting a new guitar this christmas.. but forget 'bout it.

life's been fucked up lately. as you can see, i don't really blog much i guess? if you can't, fuck yourself cunt. i've made a mistake. i've repeated it twice. i'll never. ever. trust. anyone. anymore. except, afew who's been there for me 24/7. bob? yeah you're one. :) i'm learning to let go. i'm learning to cherish. i'm still learning. but.. but, to be honest. i'm still upset about it. and when something else happens unexpectedly, what can i do? i'm gonna sound pathetic. but yeah. cry. someday, everything's gonna be alright. someday.. but not today. she's feeling it all now. but she doesn't cry.. she doesn't cry! you are too beautiful. yes you are..

miracles.

2010-12-22T08:48:00.000-08:00

hamson.

2010-12-21T07:50:00.000-08:00

for shyra. :-)

what am i suppose to say?

2010-12-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

met jyeah, today and yesterday. yesterday was the best i guess? haha. she just randomly called me out to town. and well my dad was in a good mood to give me cash. so, just went out to kill time. and that book's fuckin' cool though. it has everything you need to know about fashion. rayvin was soo smart to get her this.

christmas's coming. i don't feel the excitement at all. hah. maybe it's just cause i'm getting nothing though my family's celebrating christmas. make sense? well i dont bother. im just getting myself a christmas hat for christmas to seem happy infront of all the happy guests and shutting my mouth the whole entire year next year.

i write sins not tragedies.

2010-12-18T23:44:00.000-08:00

what can i do now? i wanted to express how i really feel about everything. but.. naaah.

the most beautiful song i've ever heard.

trust. depression.

2010-12-17T06:23:00.000-08:00

just blogged thru my private blog. ha. shocked? lol. stupid question. it's where i express my feelings. and no. it wasn't newly created. it was created from march? oh anyway dont really feel like blogging much here. but well for short. all i did today? met maddy near my place and talked. that's all. xoxo.

makapal na kilay

2010-12-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

august 22 2010. old picture. ;)

it's currently 3.23am. and i've actually started this post since 12? lol. but i got too distracted learning filipino from charmaine, laughing my ass off with shyra and eagle with her chinese philosophy. (y) p.s, i've got filipino blood. ;)

so anyway. today went shopping! met all of 'em around 3. took train to somerset. bought stuffs at forever 21. we were like lost people! hahaha. then took train to bugis. there was this weird scary looking dude.. he kept starring at us till our train came. lol wth. went to kfc. what's wrong with c, people nowadays? is it soooo hard to get my order?! gosh. then we laughed our asses off. went to queue for toilet. while we were laughing and laughing and laughing.. i've got such itchy hands and went to off the lights for the toilet and office. HAHA! then.... long story... uh long story. :p afterwards, walked around. ashh and sasi had to go. so left me and charmaine. i've totally spent every peny man! urghh. and i still needa get my school bag. oh and school books too. hmm.. tomorrow's the release of n level results. all the best to those who're collecting their results! one of them's my bro. hope he can make it! xoxo.

old song. but what the heck.

2010-12-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

I'm just sitting here, tryna forget 'bout all those years, and I
I can't take the thought of him alone with you, alone with you
It's been a year or so, and you moved on and left me cold, and I
I wish that I could let you know that I still got a thang for you

But you got another man, he says he loves you too
Baby girl, I understand this must be hard on you
And it gets so hard sometimes to know just what to do
Stuck in the middle with you

You and I through it all
Sunny days, through the storms
Still I know he can never love you like me
Girl, I know he and you going new
He messed it up with it all
No, he can never love you like me

Can we go back again as lovers not as friends
'Cause I know he can never love you like me
Girl, I've been there before
Time to close that open door, I know
That he can never love you like me

I was the one you came running to
When tears would fall from what he do
Who knew the friends would become lovers
Going crazy giving my all but getting halfa you
I'm not half the man so tell me what to do
Never gonna let you go 'cause you know our love is true

Babe, you got another man, but he's not good for you
Baby girl, I understand but this ain't all on you
And it gets so hard some time to know just what to do
Stuck in the middle with you

You and I through it all
Sunny days, through the storms
Still I know he can never love you like me
Girl, I know he and you going new
He messed it up with it all
No, he can never love you like me

Can we go back again as lovers not as friends
'Cause I know he can never love you like me
Girl, I've been there before
Time to close that open door, I know
That he can never love you like me

I know that you will never find another love like
Me and you can look but won't find another man like
Me and even though you might have separated from me
Gotta make a choice can't wait forever

You and I through it all
Sunny days, through the storms
Still I know he can never love you like me
Girl, I know he and you going new
He messed it up with it all
No, he can never love you like me

Can we go back again as lovers not as friends
'Cause I know he can never love you like me
Girl, I've been there before
Time to close that open door, I know
That he can never love you like me
Love you like me, love you like me

opposite.

2010-12-13T09:15:00.000-08:00

supppppppppp. there's my hair! hahaha. well you can't really see the volume yet! so another 6 more days to go. i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee scene hairstyles like alot though i've said this a thousand times. hehehe. anyway i needa trim my sideburns they're so long... oh and i ate long john silvers today! lol.

met bestfriend at town like around 1. talked out alotttttt of stuffs. man i missed her. didn't see her for like what? more than a month? the last time i saw her was on my birthday. well i'm gonna set another date with her next week (y) heheh can't wait. xoxo.

look here dude, you're gay.

2010-12-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

hahaha cute huh? :p lol. anyway, did my hair today. it looks freakin' straight like spaghetti... and the sad part is? no volume!! urghhhhhhhh. i love poofy hair styles. hahaha. like those scene kids yknow. i shall layer my hair more someday though i've got many layers and the aunty at the shop called me crazy. lol wtf. well it still looks cool with more layers. now i've gotta wait for a week for my hair volume to return. :( 7 freakin' days man! it's torture.. :( btw, thanks charmaine for stopping by my house. she bought me one simple grey dress. hehe. me likey. ;) thankyou, xx!

sup bro, your on straits times. http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_613081.html (y)

he was complaining to me like some mad moron. lol.

victim.

2010-12-11T09:09:00.000-08:00

decided to redo my skin. your right edna, that photo (left hand side) is still the best. ;) oh anyway, get what i meant by being ''punished'' by our teacher? yeah that's one. hahaha! gay huh? :p i still can't stop laughing while typing this! hahaha, i'll definitely miss those times. like really. and this was one of the days we've gotten detention from him for coming to class late. lol. plus we had to copy down 10 scripts of some paper. and in the end? he didn't collect it. lol. but if there's such a thing as like copying down another 100 scripts to have my clique in the same class as me, i wouldn't mind.. infact, i'll be jumping and screaming like some mad person. i don't even know why i am thinking so much about school these days. maybe it's because school's starting and i haven't even started a single shit on my homework? lol. guess that's one.

so i'm gonna be busy this week. tomorrow i'm gonna say goodbye to my hairstyle and try out something new for 2011. ;) charmaine's gonna accompany me for 5 freakin' long butt hours. hehehe, xx! monday am gonna meet bestf! like after soooooooooooooo fuckin' long man! tuesday, should be meeting ash & charmaine! wednesday, gonna get school stuffs. thursday, shopping! friday, gonna get my school bag with bjy. weekends? i'm free people! let's plan a date. oh wait.. on second thought. maybe only on a sat i'm free. :p cos' i wanna complete my homework. hmm.. and oh guess what?! i found 20 bucks! oh yes i'm rich. ha ha ha.

2010.

2010-12-10T10:40:00.000-08:00

p.s, long post heading your way!

soooo.. i've made a decision to do something with my hair. well. i wanna try something new. and like what some of my friends say, ''hair grows'' so i guess i'm finally all calmed down and not stressed about this fucked up situation. lol.

currently it's 4:58am (don't believe the post timing beside the tittle. it's a total fake, lol.) and i really wanna head out with the clique. but sadly most of 'em are going overseas. and next year we're separated. urgh. i wonder how next year will begin, smooth? tough? complicated? there won't be jingyi to shout my name across class and when i turn back she looks away. hahah bitch. well sometimes mslin gets annoyed too! ;p i'll definitely miss running around class with her. pushing people down, throwing chairs at each other, slamming the door till mrgan gets soooooo irritated and sent us out. then we'll be slacking outside class, going toilet, disturbing 2n2, disturbing the banglas while they paint. lol! i'll definitely miss going back to class freakin' late. like really really late. then mrlee will keep giving us chances or we'll sneak in the class from the back door like ninjas. ;p but sometimes we're not the only ones late. there'll be yongfeng and clique too. or sometimes we're late for mrgan's class. and he'll ask us questions and all. there was once we lied saying joanna vomited. then he made us sit on the floor while doing our test papers except for jo. but when mrgan's walking around, we'll draw lame drawings on the whiteboard. hahaha! i'll also miss eagle sneaking sweets in class and bringing loads of tissues wherever she goes (y). i'll miss jovial too! we always get her into trouble when she didn't do anything. heheh and charmaine! can't bully her with a bus anymore. infact, i can't bully anyone in my new class anymore. damn, how. am. i. gonna. survive..

well we'll also slack at randy's tattoo shop after school everyday. we'll create noise, use f language to communicate with each other, learn more about piercings and see randy tattoo the customers etc. we'll sometimes go into the room to enjoy aircon and chat! :p use the comp to fb or sometimes talk to Rae. (worker who works there) there'll be gareth and clique to slack with us too! and not to forget chewmin clique and the sengkets. well the shop will be really noisy but randy said he loves it and treats us all like we're his children. :') we stop by during the september holidays too but now? not at all.. :( i remember an incident where we all were slacking at randy's and it was the second last day of exams for some but not for me, charmaine and jo. then i changed my earsticks to my studs and also changed my eyebrow stud since the next day i didn't had school and planned to pon school etc. then we were all starring at kelvin since he was about to pierce his lips! then the principal and vice principal came. lol. they were like asking us to go back to school and i accidentally said the f word infront of the vp. lucky he didn't knew it was me. in the end he caught me with my eyebrow piercing. and yknow what was the worse part?! they freakin' called each of our parents to tell them we were slacking at a tattoo shop and it's wrong blabla please advice your child not to blabla. when we were set free from them and their lecturing, we were all laughing.. cos of something the principal said. ;p hahaha and that's some memory i'll really never ever forget!

i also remember people who used to work there! joshua and his partner kelvin. i kinda miss 'em. ever since joshua got fired from randy's.. if im not wrong, all he does is drink.. well what to do huh.. i also remember laughing my asses off with jaya and rayvin at forever 21. rayvin was trynna tell something important to jaya but jaya kept singing the song till he got frustrated. ;p oh! and the time at yongfeng's condo, gym. we were camwhoring and azrin said, ''1, 2, 3!'' and joanna farted ;p hahaha so freakin' epic! i also remember making a fool outta myself at npcc and speaking of npcc! i'm sooooooooooooooooo gonna quit. it's. really. a. must!

will definitely miss everything that i've spent with clique. 2010 has been a really fast year which some of us had wished for. i know i've changed. well c'mon i bet everyone did. i can tell that i've changed into a more sociable person and i'm happy with it. well i'm still shy. ;p lol. to be honest, starting of the year was really tough for me. but as months passed, i started to trust people. and also became closer to the clique. but we're all hoping we don't drift apart cos' usually some say it's meant to happen. fuck the some of you guys. just watch us. we're gonna go to randy's every single freaking day. meet up during recess (lol this's really common) and slack with the sengkets if they're free.

2011, hope your gonna be a easy year to cope with. xoxo.

it takes two to believe.

2010-12-08T14:11:00.000-08:00

june, 2010. fuckin' miss my hair back then. :(

it's an official. i'm suffering from insomnia. i sleep like at what? 7plus in the morning? and wake up by 2 or 3 in the afternoon. thanks to my sisters who basically scream around the whole house every single day. well not everyday.. but most of the times. so i hope they'll be able to wake me up tomorrow cos' i'm still thinking whether to do something with my hair till then. urghhhhhh. fuck this. even simple matters makes me stress. maybe someday i'll get into depression. ha, who knows.

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

there's no we. it's only me.

please hold on. it's alright.

2010-12-08T13:44:00.000-08:00

it's reaching 6 in the morning and i don't feel tired at all. what's weird is, i've been listening to those outdated music like from 2009 or so? for example, Belle Of The Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional. i don't know why but i really feel completely empty right now... you don't have to speak. i can see it through your actions.

do you remember?

2010-12-06T04:06:00.000-08:00

isn't raped hair the new trend? :p

sorry for not blogging a proper post during the weekend. i'll try to recall what i did.. saturday went to novena with bjy and charmaine. our hunt for e eventually failed and thank god we didn't search for hours cos' it turns out that he wasn't working. lol. so we walked to united sq. bought starbucks! hehehe. slacked at some yogurt shop then bought mic candy. i love their candy! but sometimes it may cut your tongue and... the blood will fall out like waterfall... yeah gross. anyway we took bus to bugis and walked rounds just to find a clip! hahaha. but we did stop by apple and played with their webcam! well in the end we couldn't find 'em. so took bus back to novena since there sells those tiny ones. took 54 back home afterwards.

yesterday went out with charmaine. can't wait for the next. hehehe. we were like tourists asking people where's this and that.. and we even stayed at a busstop which we thought the bus would stop by there when it didn't! we waited for like what? 20mins? hahaha, what a fail. today's plans was supposed to go out with jyeah to DG but i was lazy. hehe. plus i'm left with 5bucks. wow... i'm so... rich. haha anyway i'm so addicted to double vision by 3OH!3, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fVw5Z0RWHo ♥ ♥

tick tock.

2010-12-04T10:40:00.001-08:00

sup! i'mma malay and my sister's a chinese. the other twin's an indian. we're so ''koolzzz'' lol. well you just wasted your time reading this crap srsly. ha ha ha.

i'mma awesome gay with hello kitty pjs on.

2010-12-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

went to bro's ns navy graduation today. the moment i set foot on the place, i was like ''damn i feel his pain.'' we took my dad's friend car, me likey. ;) so we watched some performance where my bro carried the boat using his head. well of cos' with his team members too. but.. wow. and i hate it when they shout. reminds me of mrgan. hahaha! damn i miss him though! anyway then we went to watch some diving performance followed by them getting their badges. my sisters really ''lol-ed'' at my bro. even my bro told us in the car when we were going back home, ''who laughed out so loud when i was performing?!'' hahaha so gay. what's actually cool is that 66 outta 108 men graduated. lol. well it sounds cool to me though. haha and oh! he has 2 weeks off.... :-( byebye cam. hope he lets me bring it out tomorrow! xoxo.

yeah you sure got alot of nerve.

2010-11-30T07:28:00.000-08:00

Sup. :-) All i did today was woke up from bed, showered, camwhored, ate subway, use lappy and taaaaa-daaa! What a life huh? Well I'mma lifeless bitch....... :( At least i'm going out tomorrow! & tomorrow tomorrow & tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow! Woo i'm awesome! Ha ha ha, xoxo.

damn this shit getz old.

2010-11-29T09:05:00.000-08:00

have a safe flight to indonesia bitch. will definitely miss you. takecare, xx. anyway met gfs at j8 today. i miss 'em! hahaha. then around 6 i had to rush home and meet jyeah since she was already at my house and i'm still at the bbt. lol so yeah. we camwhored/webcammed with the dslr! (photos up at fb though) i've finally got one and after so many days i get to touch it. (my siblings are annoying, thats why) and also talked out girl-stuffs. trust me, she's one of the best to talk out stuffs like this. well.. actually we've got almost the same problem before and present. so yeah.. anyway my god damn computer hdd broke down. it can't read the damn disc. sickening. gonna stay at home and camwhore with the dslr tomorrow then. heheheh. xoxo.

i would do anything to...